In 30 months of weekly blogging about Dar and his autism, I’ve never broached today’s subject: his face and body.
I have a confession to make to you. Dar’s physical appearance, from forehead to feet, is a balm. It’s a comfort. It’s a relief, when his communication progress seems to be going nowhere.
Considering Dar was diagnosed with cerebral palsy when he was barely 2 years old – like autism, a diagnosis that is for life – we have been extremely lucky, luckier than a lot of other CP families. Yes, Dar’s left side is still non-favored, but no one notices that on an initial meeting with him.
Dar’s kindergarten class had a “run-a-thon” day this school year. I missed the event, but when I came to pick up Dar from school, no fewer than seven adults (parents and teachers) approached me to say how wonderfully Dar ran. I can’t personally chase Dar and get him to run, but when his brother and I play-chase, he always runs after us. It’s a slight skip-run, but is that CP? A lot of kids his age skip-run; I barely notice it. I imagine him doing that chase after twenty of his fellow kindergarteners and I smile.
And his swimming and climbing and sliding are also going well. Biking, not so much. But when I come to praise his physicality, I’m not really talking about his abilities so much as his looks.
I know this may come off like white privilege, but when we’re talking about a six-year-old who has never spoken, he’s not exactly maintaining the heteronormative patriarchy. To be real, we don’t post the photos where Dar looks…well, disabled. I know how often he “passes,” because I know how often strangers ask him questions.
My wife gets this look of love whenever Dar is down to underwear. “He’s so lean!” she marvels. I’m like, yeah, I looked like this until I turned thirty, too bad you didn’t get to meet me without the love handles. She admires his washboard abs. She wonders if we’re feeding him enough, almost as a joke, because he eats all day. The last two days were his first of summer vacation, and he went through 18 “cups” of yogurt EACH DAY. This is not an exaggeration. (We have tried buying larger containers of yogurt, but he’ll only eat it in the Stonyfield mini-six-packs. Because autism.) I’d make jokes about a hollow leg, but the truth is I’m still cleaning up the area where it all comes out. Sigh.
He’ll turn seven in October and he still hasn’t lost a tooth. Not that there’s anything wrong with a missing-tooth smile, but it’s weird that it hasn’t happened yet. Almost like God is giving us a few more months to enjoy the look of his smile with his baby teeth. (And we know God exists, because of how He reacted to Dar’s name.) Dar would ask for the tooth fairy about as quickly as he’d ask for trigonometry. I used to worry about Dar swallowing his teeth, but my fellow autism parents assure me that it’s no big. As I just said, I’ll be seeing it on the other end, from where it will land promptly in his diaper-genie.
Outside his diapers, Dar has a lovely appearance, he just does. He no longer rocks the awesome Jew-fro that he had when he was half his current age, but his brown hair has settled into a lustrous sheen. Brown hair, nice blue eyes: we joke that he could look like Paul Rudd or Jon Stewart when he grows up. Yay recessive genes!
We recently had a visit from an out-of-town friend who has known me since we were six. He was blown away by Dar’s resemblance to me at the same age. Huh. Well, I guess that explains why wifey always loves Dar’s looks, heh.
Dar tans, at least a little. I don’t, not even the tiniest little. Call me an alabaster basterd. No part of my skin has ever been the shade of any coffee you’ve ever had, no matter how much milk you put into it. (My skin is the color of milk with zero coffee in it.) I always remember to slather Dar’s face with sunscreen, but on occasion I’ve forgotten to apply the stuff to his neck. He ain’t no redneck, like me. It turns a warm café au lait.
Dar has good feet. He’s got those kind of toes with the nice slow 30-degree bend about halfway. They’re better than my feet in that department.
This all works out well, because Dar loves, loves, loves to be naked. In our backyard. In full view of our neighbors. Who have rented their house as an airbnb seven times in the last year (we read the online reviews). I suppose it’s not a big deal when you’re looking at a naked six-year-old. When he turns 13, I wonder.
I guess every parent should believe their child is beautiful without putting that child through some nightmare “Toddlers and Tiaras”-flavored pageant. I’m not saying that Ramsey Bolton was named after JonBenet’s parents, I’m just not not saying it. I’m not telling parents not to look at other kids and say “oh my kid is better-looking than HIM.” But shouldn’t you keep it to yourself?
And shouldn’t I keep this blog post to myself? Maybe. But Dar’s attractiveness helps me on those cold winter, and hot summer, nights of autism worries. It’s a positive entry on the Dar ledger. Sometimes I need to look at those. Thanks for indulging me.
Hiya, I’m really glad I’ve found this info. Nowadays bloggers publish just about gossip and web stuff and this is really annoying. A good blog with interesting content, this is what I need. Thanks for making this website, and I will be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?
Hi there. I discovered your web site by way of Google while searching for a similar subject, your website came up. It appears to be great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks to come back then.
I just couldn’t leave your site before suggesting that I really loved the standard information an individual provide in your guests? Is going to be again steadily in order to check up on new posts
I together with my friends were reading the best thoughts from your web site and before long I got a terrible feeling I had not expressed respect to the blog owner for those techniques. Most of the ladies became certainly thrilled to read through all of them and have now quite simply been having fun with those things. Appreciation for getting quite accommodating and then for going for certain superior tips millions of individuals are really desperate to know about. My personal sincere apologies for not expressing appreciation to you sooner.
I have read several good stuff here. Definitely value bookmarking for revisiting. I wonder how much effort you place to create the sort of great informative website.
I am continually searching online for articles that can assist me. Thx!
hi!,I really like your writing very so much! share we keep in touch more about your post on AOL? I need a specialist on this area to unravel my problem. Maybe that’s you! Looking ahead to peer you.
Awesome write-up. I am a normal visitor of your site and appreciate you taking the time to maintain the nice site. I will be a regular visitor for a long time.
Awesome post. I’m a normal visitor of your site and appreciate you taking the time to maintain the excellent site. I will be a frequent visitor for a long time.
Hiya, I am really glad I have found this information. Today bloggers publish just about gossip and net stuff and this is really irritating. A good site with exciting content, that’s what I need. Thanks for making this web site, and I’ll be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?
I have been exploring for a bit for any high-quality articles or blog posts in this kind of area . Exploring in Yahoo I ultimately stumbled upon this site. Reading this info So i¡¦m happy to exhibit that I’ve a very good uncanny feeling I discovered exactly what I needed. I so much definitely will make sure to do not forget this site and provides it a glance on a continuing basis.
You made some decent points there. I did a search on the subject and found most people will consent with your blog.
I get pleasure from, lead to I discovered just what I used to be taking a look for. You’ve ended my four day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye
I relish, result in I discovered exactly what I used to be having a look for. You have ended my 4 day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day. Bye
I carry on listening to the news update lecture about receiving free online grant applications so I have been looking around for the top site to get one. Could you advise me please, where could i get some?
Nice read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing some research on that. And he just bought me lunch because I found it for him smile Thus let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch!
You actually make it seem really easy together with your presentation but I to find this matter to be actually something which I feel I might never understand. It sort of feels too complex and very extensive for me. I am taking a look forward on your subsequent post, I will try to get the hang of it!
Skonczona uwodzenie sprawnosc zmyslowa i odrzut zagwozdek sposrod erekcja owo finisz coraz wiekszej wspolnoty dzisiaj egzystujacych pankow. Bywajac nasz sprawnie skuteczny serwis masz traf wyzbycia sie napiecia tudziez zgrupowanych sposrod nim zaklocen erekcji oraz rzutkiego wykluczenia skrytych zahamowan utrudniajacych Twoje relacje zmyslowe. Przekazywane w poprzek nas narady nielecznicze kierowane sa uwodzenia kobiet dzieki wyprobowanych fachowcow.
Everything is very open with a very clear explanation of the issues. It was really informative. Your website is extremely helpful. Many thanks for sharing!
Hey There. I found your blog using msn. This is a very well written article. I will be sure to bookmark it and come back to read more of your useful information. Thanks for the post. I will definitely comeback.
This is very good guide i will link this guide to my blog, keep posting!
Awesome post. I am a normal visitor of your blog and appreciate you taking the time to maintain the nice site. I’ll be a frequent visitor for a long time.
Hiya, I am really glad I have found this info. Today bloggers publish just about gossip and web stuff and this is actually frustrating. A good website with exciting content, this is what I need. Thank you for making this site, and I will be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?
hi!,I love your writing so a lot! share we keep up a correspondence more approximately your article on AOL? I require a specialist on this house to resolve my problem. Maybe that is you! Looking forward to look you.
Hiya, I am really glad I’ve found this information. Today bloggers publish only about gossip and net stuff and this is really annoying. A good site with exciting content, that is what I need. Thanks for making this web site, and I will be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?
You made some fine points there. I did a search on the subject matter and found mainly persons will go along with with your blog.
I like what you guys are up too. Such clever work and reporting! Keep up the excellent works guys I¡¦ve incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it will improve the value of my website 🙂
I¡¦ve been exploring for a bit for any high-quality articles or weblog posts on this sort of house . Exploring in Yahoo I at last stumbled upon this website. Studying this information So i am glad to show that I have a very good uncanny feeling I came upon just what I needed. I most surely will make sure to don¡¦t disregard this site and provides it a look on a constant basis.
I truly wanted to compose a simple message so as to thank you for all of the fantastic pointers you are showing at this website. My long internet search has at the end been compensated with good ideas to exchange with my best friends. I ‘d claim that we readers actually are unequivocally lucky to live in a fantastic site with very many perfect people with very beneficial solutions. I feel truly blessed to have seen your webpages and look forward to many more fun moments reading here. Thanks again for everything.
I’m very happy to read this. This is the kind of manual that needs to be given and not the accidental misinformation that’s at the other blogs. Appreciate your sharing this best doc.
Hi, i think that i saw you visited my weblog so i came to “return the favor”.I’m trying to find things to improve my website!I suppose its ok to use a few of your ideas!!
I have been examinating out a few of your stories and it’s pretty clever stuff. I will make sure to bookmark your site.
Hello, Neat post. There’s a problem with your website in internet explorer, may test this¡K IE still is the market chief and a large portion of people will leave out your excellent writing because of this problem.
Great remarkable things here. I am very satisfied to look your post. Thanks so much and i am taking a look ahead to contact you. Will you please drop me a mail?
There is clearly a bunch to know about this. I think you made various good points in features also.
Its like you read my mind! You appear to know so much about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you can do with a few pics to drive the message home a little bit, but other than that, this is fantastic blog. A great read. I’ll certainly be back.