Hello Class of 2015! When I was your age, I got really sick of advice. I also didn’t like something I’d heard: “ignorance of the law is no excuse.” Really? Am I supposed to read every law on the books? How am I supposed to know? I just wanted a manual, a very brief guide that would tell me what to do and what not to do. Sure, I planned to break the rules, but I wanted them all in one easy, accessible place. What today you might call a tumblr page, or just a good blog post.
You might think that if you googled “dos and don’ts of life” you’d get just such a guide, but as I write this, you really don’t: instead it’s ten lines on how to save money, or how to manage your pregnancy, or how to talk to someone with cancer. All laudable, none being a Guide to Life. What about a list of quotes from the Dalai Lama or another revered figure? Sure, not bad. And nowhere near comprehensive.
Until now. Here’s my gift to you, Class of 2015: a pamphlet-size Guide to Life. From now on, you can just think to yourself “oh! Rule #74” when useful. As my hero Henry Clay said to the Senate, forestalling Civil War with one of his dying breaths: “These are my sentiments. Make the most of them.”
100 DOS AND DON’TS OF LIFE
- Don’t kill
- Don’t rape
- Don’t hurt people except in extreme cases of self-defense (this rule could have covered rules 1 and 2, but those are worth repeating)
- Don’t lie
- Don’t cheat
- Don’t steal
- Don’t lend anything you can’t lose
- Don’t borrow anything without committing to a return date (and then honor that)
- Don’t judge yourself or others by material possessions
- Don’t be mean or cruel; don’t belittle people
11. Don’t throw stones from glass houses (don’t be hypocritical)
12. Don’t be afraid, or if you are afraid, don’t let fear control your actions
13. Don’t waste time on jealousy, if you can avoid it
14. Don’t worry, if you can think of something else to think about
15. Don’t disappoint your friends
16. Don’t be late; if lateness is unavoidable, call or ping
17. Don’t expect anyone else to support you
18. Don’t lose your sense of humor
19. Don’t offer or put up with abusive or reckless behavior
20. Don’t ignore the DMV Manual
21. Beyond the DMV Manual, Don’t ever make another driver brake unexpectedly (this rule also applies to pedestrians)
22. Don’t be judgey about alcohol/drug use until the other person hurts others/themselves
23. Don’t forget to pay taxes
24. Don’t be naked in public
25. Don’t take a picture of someone without their permission (or their parents’ permission, if appropriate)
26. Don’t stare at a person
27. Don’t eavesdrop
28. Don’t play loud music or make other kinds of ongoing noises in a way that’s bothering someone
29. Don’t use your phone/voice in church, at dinner, or at a movie except where clearly authorized
30. Don’t raise your voice without a really, really good reason
31. Don’t chew loudly; don’t chew food at the same time as anything else (e.g. talking, walking)
32. Don’t insult people behind their back; to their face is better (if you must)
33. Don’t interrupt people, unless you have a great reason
34. Don’t be rude or impolite if you can avoid it
35. Don’t just stop suddenly when you’re walking in public; be aware of others
36. Don’t push a friend – physically or emotionally – if s/he’s not into it
37. Don’t assume a person who is nice to you is interested in dating you
38. Don’t assume anything, if you can avoid it
39. Don’t offer unsolicited advice (we assume you chose to read this list)
40. Don’t say “I know how you feel” when that’s really not true
41. Don’t dismiss people being nice to you; try to be nice back, even just for a moment
42. Don’t whine, generally
43. Don’t gossip, generally
44. Don’t use profanity at all times; be aware of context
45. Don’t dress like you have no idea how to dress; be aware of context
46. Don’t take the final item of some shared bounty (usually food) without checking first with others
47. Don’t enter into communal arrangements naively
48. Don’t trash the environment, as much as is reasonably possible
49. Don’t keep talking to someone who probably isn’t listening
50. Don’t be burdened by regret, if you can help it
51. Do treat others as you would wish to be treated
52. Do respect everyone’s personal space, property, money
53. Do solve problems in a way that doesn’t make a problem for someone else
54. Do clean up your messes
55. Do keep your word; if you say you’re going to do something, do it
56. Do trust and love your life partner above others
57. Do trust and love your immediate family as much as you can
58. Do remember that giving generously typically makes you feel good
59. Do remember that everyone isn’t out to get you; most of them don’t care, and are as insecure as most of the others
60. Do accept that being weird is fine, but also accept that some people won’t accept it
61. Do plan ahead, from looking where you’re going (lest someone say “why don’t you look where you’re going?”) to home and life insurance
62. Do respect other cultures, if possible to the point of cooking their dishes, learning their languages
63. Do treat domestic animals as friends unless told otherwise
64. Do treat each day, each moment, as a gift
65. Do stay hydrated
66. Do travel
67. Do eat conscientiously
68. Do exercise at least a little once a day
69. Do respect faith and the faithful (religion, sports, other groupthinks)
70. Do accept that you are at least slightly racist, and racism is bad
71. Do try to behave without prejudice
72. Do try not to hold grudges; hurts both people
73. Do try to tell people you love how you feel about them, especially if you may not see them again for a while
74. Do try for the serenity to accept what you cannot change, the courage to change what you can, and the wisdom to know the difference
75. Do try to plant things and/or tend a garden
76. Do try new things as often as you can stand it
77. Do try to treat every person the same way
78. Do remember: sexual preference isn’t a choice, but gender is
79. Do cut slack to people with a loved one who is nearly or newly dead
80. Do respond to invitations
81. Do pay attention to the news, current national and world affairs
82. Do tip anyone who performs a service well
83. Do dance like no one’s watching, sing like no one’s listening
84. Do make friends outside your age group
85. Do respect your elders
86. Do listen, as opposed to waiting for your turn to talk
87. Do look into people’s eyes
88. Do ask people open-ended questions in friendly situations
89. Do use “I feel” statements if you seem to be disagreeing with someone
90. Do be positive; if you’re being critical of a person, focus on the future (e.g. “going forward…”)
91. Do build relationships with your neighbors
92. Do approach learning as a positive, and being paid to learn as even more positive
93. Do brush and floss daily
94. Do remember enough math to be financially independent
95. Do see suffering as a chance to nurture patience and tolerance, as the Dalai Lama said
96. Do wear sunscreen, like the song said
97. Do accept that all truth is a paradox, like Anne Lamott said
98. Do remember that there’s a lot you don’t know
99. Do try to know the rules (to anything) before breaking them
100. Do, if you break any of these rules with anyone, apologize
