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So, Aaron Burr’s killed the cursed Alexander Hamilton

And I was losing sleep on choosing how the heck I’d handle them

A Ham has passed, raise a glass, A Burr has passed into disgrace

This Founding Father needn’t bother with a re-election race

The scandal’s yours, Aaron Burr serves as your vice-president

I hate his soul, and people hold that truth to be self-evident

What happened to departing, you and I to Monticello?

The capital’s just starting; you and I just said hello

Now I must teach and sometimes preach virtues of less government

From you? Tom dear, in four years, you have hardly under-spent

On Barbary warring and men exploring all the land you bought from France

In my second term I reckon belts will tighten on our pants

Under my hand, the public can reap pluses of Republicans

Under your nose, the public knows you do things because you can

Like those you smudged as “midnight judges” because they were Adams’ men

Oh that again? Well not again, thanks Marbury versus Madison

Our dollar droops while French and English troops collect their forces

Americans are scared, aware they couldn’t bear to now change horses

Sally, I can’t say good-bye to them with things so heady

They’re ready/They’re not ready/They’re ready/They’re not ready

Look at the papers, their grievances are petty

They’re ready/They’re not ready/They’re ready/They’re not ready

They don’t understand the tariffs that we levy


If you want four years more I’m sure you could outlaw the trade Sally…

Of human beings, think what that means! Never import another slave

They’re not ready.


Let me…Sally, I mean the Senate

And the House still count and count on slavery and won’t end it

But you’re ready?


Then let me. Tom, you got strange notions

I’ll speak frankly. You send Yankee troops across the oceans

And out west, at your behest, Lewis and Clark cross the nation

To civilize what to my eyes, was already civilization

Why’d Bonaparte choose to part with half the continent?

He found surprising Haiti’s uprising, his soldiers went (knife slash on throat)

Toussaint Louverture followed your words, became a hero

How many black Haitians got your invitations? Zero

You should know brown people know more of life, not less

You have four yourself.

Sally, I’m impressed.

So were our merchants, so I turned our ships to Tripoli

And Lewis west after his test year studying with me

Education for our nation, you forgot my best point

I established military scholarship at West Point

Haiti’s crazy, show me a library or university

Brown-skins like our kids read things, then converse with me

It wasn’t my skin tone, but my school tomes that bred me

They’re ready/They’re not ready/They’re ready/They’re not ready

Indians and Arabs need lessons that are heavy

They’re ready/They’re not ready/They’re ready/They’re not ready

Hard to read when your back’s all sweaty


All right, Mister Uptight Enlightenment Erudition

Just recall not all the colonists can afford tuition

And if the Congress and your Cabinet officers are so smart

Why, behind my back, do they attack me as your tart?

Or a concubine? Tom with your sublime power you could summon

Them to read the Vindication of the Rights of Woman

Give us the vote and then you’ll note a different oversight

Nice plan! I’m just one man, who can’t change Congress overnight

You wrote life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness

Were you playing? Is that saying just for your landed friends?

Why bother with Founding Fathers and this new democracy

If you run the country like some aristocracy?

If you’re sure you’ll run once more – look at me Thomas –

I’m sure I’ll take, and you can make, a quite makeable promise

Ban the slave trade. Sally! Tom, no shade; twas just four years past

That Congress passed a law that de-classed slave traders, at last

And forbade our citizens to be paid by slaver ships

That’s a lot! And now this lot needs naught but leadership

Ban the slave trade.

No shade; if we end the trade

Plantation owners will stone and whip their slaves

And make them make more children, and before you know what for

South and North rancor goes forth and leads to civil war

Ban the slave trade. Our democracy’s so fragile

Give us more years, our younger peers will be more agile

Ban the slave trade. For our children. I know they’re ready

But Congress and the public only just learned to rock steady

Ban the slave trade. Sally I see where you’ve led me!

They’re ready/They’re not ready/They’re ready/They’re not ready

And if I don’t, will history regret me?

They’re ready/They’re not ready/They’re ready/They’re not ready

Oh heaven I don’t believe in will you help me?

They’re ready/They’re not ready/They’re ready/They’re not ready

They’re ready.