Coming back to blogging a bit…
I really appreciated the level of appreciation for last week’s blog entry…thanks. One takeaway is that I’m probably not going to entirely walk away from Facebook anytime soon…support network and all that.
I appreciated people saying that my email was dispositive. I want that to be true but…Dar’s screaming is becoming a bigger and bigger issue. I was recently talking with his home therapist about it. She asked me about the 5am wakeups: “is that more of his ‘I’m bored’ scream, or his ‘I’m frustrated’ scream?” I started imitating it, and she said, “yeah, sounds like the ‘I’m bored’ scream.” She’s right.
I think to distinguish, you have to know Dar as well as we do. For most people, either noise sounds like a pre-teenager screaming. It’s arresting. As it continues, behavior changes. Not Dar’s. Other people’s. If they’re kids, they get loud. If they’re adults, they get bothered.
Should we be teaching Dar to talk in screams? Two screams for yes, one for no? Somehow I don’t see that solving our problems.
The blog is good. Discussing things is good. Discussing things makes me think of potential improvements that don’t occur to me otherwise.
During the same conversation with Dar’s home therapist, we get to talking about the noise emanating from Dar’s bedroom, sometimes beginning at 4:00. I tell her that it doesn’t seem to bother my other child, or my wife, who says I should be able to handle it with ear plugs. I tell Dar’s therapist that I have tried, but that the thumping is what bothers me. I say it may be Dar stomping around his room. She says, but it also may be just him in his bed, right? I say, yes, I suppose it could be only that. I had thought that, but not really connected the thoughts…Dar has a standard wooden bed, like any other kid’s bed, with the mattress about a foot off the floor. Maybe he’s been banging his bedposts more than anything.
A light bulb goes off above my brain: what if we just took away Dar’s bed? What if he slept on his mattress on the floor? Sure, I mean, most kids shouldn’t have to sleep like they’re a 22-year-old who just moved into his/her first New York apartment. But most kids aren’t Dar. It’s possible that this move could save me hours of sleep per night.
It’s also possible that Dar will refuse to sleep without his bed apparatus, or that he’ll wake up in the middle of the night, wonder where his bed is, and scream louder than he ever has.
But. It’s probably worth a shot. I literally had this thought for the first time yesterday. I decided last night’s sleep was too precious for an experiment. Soon, though, I’ll try.
Here’s to discussions!
As a follow-up to last week’s post…no new updates. I don’t know how much time the BUSD has. No, Dar’s brother would not have to leave Thousand Oaks. And no, he doesn’t want to. He feels connected to his friends there.
I have more mixed feelings. Oh, sure, the school itself is mostly fine. But I’m not sure it’s the ideal environment for Dar’s brother, for a few reasons that I don’t want to delve into here, since this isn’t Dar’s brother’s blog.
One reason that relates to Dar is that if indeed Dar successfully transfers to another school, I’m slightly reluctant to spend the next three years bumping into Dar’s former teachers and aides and various school employees saying “how’s Dar?” I mean, yes, I know they all mean well, but it’s not going to be a ton of fun to say every time “he seems to be doing well, thanks.” I mean, it’s fine, but, meh.
Here’s to fewer discussions!
Yeah, it’s like that.