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Happy New Year! Happy New Decade!

December 31, 2019, 10:08 am

And thanks so much for checking in! In case you missed it, I said most of what I wanted to say about the 2010s here. Dar has drained me of the energy to better summarize his decade and to speculate about his decade ahead. I guess those few words will have to be symbolic enough. Dar is…very difficult lately. I mean, we’re talking about new and scary difficulties that I’m not ready to share quite yet. But it helps me
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Vineland 3

December 13, 2019, 8:55 am

Last week, the supervisor of Dar’s ABA therapist asked us to complete the latest Vineland survey, which is now Vineland 3. The Vineland Adaptive Behavior Scale was designed by experts at Pearson Education to measure and quantify degrees of intellectual disability, developmental disorders, and other delays. I absolutely understand why I am required to fill in this form from time to time. I am a parent of a special-needs child. My child is nowhere near a questionable case, but there
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Maui 2019

December 5, 2019, 9:40 am

This week, we pretend that Dar can speak and put together an annotated photo collection. Since I can’t know what Dar’s imagination conjures, I’ll use mine to conjure something…unrealistic. Hey Dad! I had a terrific time in Hawaii! Thanks for everything. I’m still amazed that the below was the view from our room. What a lanai! And look at that break in the hedgerow, perfect for me to sneak out and find the beach…kidding, of course! #sorrynotsorry You know how
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Happy Thanksgiving Week!

November 30, 2019, 5:49 pm

And thanks for checking in here. See you next week. Share this post

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Making Things Happen is Hard

November 21, 2019, 5:28 pm

This picture shows a letter from the Mind Institute at U.C. Davis, rejecting our application for them to study and/or help Dar. I have, or had, this fantasy that maybe Dar can somehow, someday be useful to society…maybe scientists could study his brain and find a way to prevent the next kid with severe autism. (Do NOT bother to respond by equating autism to a superpower or handedness or eye/hair color. You live with Dar for a week, you spend
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All The Screams Are Loud (Screams Are Loud), And The Sky Is Grey

November 15, 2019, 1:50 pm

Last weekend, I had another stranger confront me about Dar. I think I handled it a lot better than the last time that you read about. Practice makes perfect! Friends in South Berkeley invited our entire family to their house for a Game Night. Sometimes I wonder why we even consider bringing Dar to such events. We have no helpful relatives in California. We could hire a sitter, but a sitter is money. We could arrange care through our state-alloted
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North!

November 7, 2019, 11:11 am

Hi loyal blog readers! Have you ever wondered what I would be doing if Dar were neurotypical? Well, I have! Dar is not my 24/7 preoccupation. I also work, look for work, parent the other bambino, and make time for wifey. Like you, I also deal with a hundred other distractions regarding debt, creditors, licenses, city forms, paperwork, insurance, medical stuff, permissions, applications, approvals…et cetera. Still. I feel strongly that I could be doing more if Dar’s condition wasn’t sucking
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Powerless and Traumaless

October 30, 2019, 3:14 pm

Let the record show that in the year of our Lord two thousand nineteen, we visited the Charles M. Schulz museum in Santa Rosa, which very narrowly escaped incineration in California’s worst fire of 2017. Three days after our visit…a new and devastating fire, California’s worst of 2019, began to threaten the place again. Before this is over, we’ll all be living like Pigpen. Let the record also show that we are not the victims here. All your and my
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The Good and the Grief

October 25, 2019, 12:09 pm

A couple of weeks ago, Dar’s 7-year-old brother, R, asked to go to our local city library, where he checked out a bunch of Peanuts books. When it comes to collected books of comic strips, my packrat tendencies have paid off during about a thousand bedtimes…but my collection clearly wasn’t enough. R wanted more. And that meant that the time had come to take the boys to the Charles M. Schulz Museum in Santa Rosa. Did I say the boys?
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Happy 10th Birthday Dar!

October 15, 2019, 6:02 pm

Dar hits double digits. Whoa. Ten years ago today, wife and I became parents. For the first time ever, here’s a video of Dar. Still getting the hang of this thing and getting the courage to show Dar…uh, in limited doses. Not pictured: his brother blowing out the candles with glee. Maybe he was happier afterward. Or maybe…a lot afterward Entering our second decade of him holding our heart and us holding our breath…let’s do this   Share this post

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