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The bad kind of SIBs

September 12, 2019, 7:36 am

Dar’s latest bruise is on my brain. If you’re not a parent, or if your kid(s) is/are neuro-typical, you may not be familiar with the term “self-injurious behavior,” a term common enough in my community to be regularly acronym-ized. We’ll see forms that say “SIBs?” or “Amount of SIBs ____” or the like. The SIB I saw this week left me scared…for Dar and for us. I don’t know exactly what prompted it. No doubt our ABA therapist (who Dar
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One letter off

September 6, 2019, 10:49 am

Have you ever noticed that Big Sur is almost Big Surf? And even though that seems appropriate – Big Sur has big surf – etymologically, they’re not related? Also, Carmel is one letter away from caramel and camel. Carmel has good caramels but not good camels. Darwin is one letter away from some neuro-typical kid named Darin or Darwina. When I was his current age, I would sit around thinking about things like this. He can’t. Or at least, all evidence
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On “How did that happen?”

August 30, 2019, 11:24 am

Now that I’m pushing 50, many of my friends are doing likewise. That means that many of them are parents of kids that are teenagers and/or pre-teens. That means that in the last few weeks, I’ve seen a lot of first-day-of-school photos of kids, often annotated by, or commented upon, with the words (or words to the effect of) “How did that happen?” Real talk: ohhhh, do I ever envy that implied lack of intentionality. Let me back this up a scootch.
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It’s Fun To Play At The…

August 22, 2019, 4:12 pm

Gather round, kids! Story time. Dar and his brother and I have been going to the designated Family Swim hour at the Downtown Berkeley YMCA. I love that they’re at this age where they can stand on the bottom of the Shallow Pool but they’re also not so big that they’re intimidating…or so I thought. I’ve been teaching R to swim, and he’s getting good. He can reliably make it almost one lap. I don’t love that he insists on
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“I’m trash!”

August 15, 2019, 11:34 am

Watching Dar on the shoreline the other day got me thinking about Toy Story 4. Spoilers below, so come back after you’ve seen the movie. For years, in my film classes, whenever Toy Story has arisen as a topic, I’ve mentioned how it’s basically a Biblical allegory in which Andy is God and Woody is a believer trying to convert the heretical Buzz. There’s a lot more to it than that (Andy’s room as Paradise, the other toys as disciples, etc),
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Dar at Channel Islands 2019

August 9, 2019, 3:29 pm

Thanks for enjoying the post about Dar hiking Angel Island! I may have forgotten to mention that one reason we visited Angel Island was to prepare for a then-upcoming trip to the Channel Islands. My wife has wanted to go to the Channel Islands for years. Having been there, I was like, why? Well, it’s California’s only national park that she hadn’tvisited. I said, “but…we have Angel Island.” But…we went to the Channel Islands anyway. The boat trip from the
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Angel Island 2019

August 1, 2019, 5:53 am

A year ago I never would have even considered trying to walk with Dar from sea level to anything called “Mount.” But we’re getting more audacious ever since our recent successful walks in Zion and Bryce Canyon. Despite now having to carry emergency seizure medicine wherever we go. Granted, the Mount in question is the smallest Mount I’ve ever heard of, at 788 feet. And…even that was a tremendous challenge. The “sea level” was a big part of the problem.
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Sometimes It’s Like This

July 24, 2019, 3:32 pm

Sometimes, “raising” Dar is just that, with the air quotes. Sometimes, it’s fine. But sometimes, it seems very, very hopeless, like going through the motions for no good reason. Sometimes it feels like a loss that never ends. Sometimes, and I know this isn’t right, I envy people who simply lost their small baby within the first few years of its life. At least there was a resolution, sort of. What happens at our house, it never gets resolved and
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Trying to be more like my heroes

July 17, 2019, 10:58 am

My heroes walk among us. They resemble you and me. They do not wear capes. One might say their identities remain secret. They do not have hundreds of thousands of Instagram followers. They rarely call attention to themselves. They are discreet and careful, and I believe most passersby do not pay them much notice. I see them sometimes, moving through the world. They rarely appear to notice me. I usually behave as though I do not see them, trying to
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How was Dar’s vacation?

July 3, 2019, 1:48 am

The last two weeks, I showed you the photos. But how was Dar’s vacation? Uhhh…not bad? Flying vs. driving presents trade-offs for us. Flying is efficient but expensive, considering we’ll still have to rent a car wherever we go. Also, Dar has been known to melt down on planes, which can turn into a nightmare. We tend to drive. Despite the added transport time, Dar mostly likes road trips. I believe he likes watching the scenery go by. But there are
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